Week One: Passion

It was sophomore year of high school: my pimples made constellations on my face, my clothes shouted insecurities, and my mood shifted from uncomfortably shy to drama-queen on an hourly basis. Nothing seemed to be stable my sophomore year; my parents split up, I consistently changed friend groups, and my body was developing in all sorts of awkward places. I found some stability in a small-time frame of my days, though. There was one English teacher, with one simple start-of-class agenda that kept me sane throughout my sophomore year.

I had never taken an honors course up until high school. My dream, passion, and my true area of expertise came to me through the act of writing. In middle school, and as a freshman in high school my creative writing, research, and English papers stayed consistent with high (almost over achieving) grades. As a sophomore, my counselor recommended I apply for the honors English course. All I merely had to do for the application was write an essay; an essay about finding one’s voice. I did not truly know what finding one’s voice meant, and as I tapped my pencil against the desk (yes it was a hand-written essay—I know it’s hard to believe) the idea came to me. I found my voice through my writing; whether it was in my personal journal, or in a creative writing paper for class. I found my voice through my word choice, which symbol of punctuation I chose, and how I structured my sentences. My tone of voice would change dramatically in my head as I shifted from sentence to sentence. Words would flow from my pencil onto the paper, and for once in my life I was not thinking about a grade, or even the thought of whether or not I would be accepted into the honors course. I was simply engaging in my passion; my escape: writing. 

I was accepted into the honors English course, and on the first day Mr. Bingham handed each of us a dull black-and-white Composition notebook. My first thought was, “EW, I hate journals without spiral bindings.” In my opinion, they are difficult to write in because the pages are usually smaller, and the crease never lays flat in the binding.  I kept numerous journals throughout middle school and high school (none Composition, though). Journaling for me was extremely similar to present day social media use. I would write at least every other day about my thoughts, feelings, and angers. I would write about personal things, too: my crush, my parents, and (sometimes even) what I had for lunch. Mr. Bingham required that the first 10 minutes of class each day were spent journaling. He stated vaguely that he didn’t care what we wrote in our journals, but that we had to stay consistently writing for 10 minutes straight. He also noted that he would provide us with a writing prompt each day on the white board to spark our imaginations. One day, he just wrote two random words on the board. The words had no correlation to each other, and it made many students confused. I can remember they were just going to scribble in their notebook for 10 minutes. Me? I admired the word pair, and wrote three pages of a creative short story that day. Those 10 minutes of journaling truly got me through sophomore year's rough moments, and I wish I would have kept the habit. 

            I stopped journaling when I started college. I got busy, got a boyfriend, and worked part-time; writing in a journal was not even a last priority of mine by the end of the day. Once I got an iPhone, I started utilizing the “Notes” application to write down my thoughts or ideas. My writing/journaling went from sunflowers to dandelions within a couple of years; once tall, vibrant, and full of life, to pesky weeds that had no purpose. I used to be able to stack my journals together, and find a story or a character. Yet, my current writing in the “Notes” app became choppy and broad. I believe one can lose a sense of self, when writing in a journal online. I believe that people will put their best foot forward, or put a mask over their true thoughts or feelings. When one posts something online it usually has a purpose for other people to see, and sometimes dark feelings can become overwritten in that situation. I might have a bad nightmare, but I certainly wouldn’t post about it on my Facebook. I also stay true to the saying, “to each their own”.  If someone wants to share their deepest, darkest secrets with the internet, then so be it. At the end of the day, most of my writing stays private because most of my pieces are incredibly raw. 

            People could be interested in other’s journals to gain knowledge or insight about someone. I would be interested in reading someone’s diary who lived over 100 years ago just out of pure interest of what their life was like. I also over-analyze a lot of things; therefore, I am always interested in what someone personally writes in a diary or journal. I believe people are attracted to personal diaries, and blogs because they can be mysterious.  

            If someone can relate to someone’s writing, then I firmly believe it can help others. I don’t believe authors or diarists write for just themselves. Writing has a purpose. I write because I want to visualize how I feel, or I want others to understand how I felt in that moment of my writing. I increasingly learn from my own entries because I can recognize how I felt in that moment, and how I feel in the present. It gives me the chance to reflect on my thoughts, and feelings. 

            I am a strong believer in punctuation and spelling matter! One of my favorite and common mistakes is barely versus  barley—barley is  a plant, people! Punctuation, word choice, sentence structure all gives one’s writing a personality; a voice. Due to modern technology, and the superman of writing: spell check I believe people should pay attention to grammar in their writing—especially publicly online. 

Online journaling is nerve-wracking, in my personal opinion. I believe in today’s times that privacy is an illusion. When something is posted online, even if the settings state private, one never truly knows who can gain access to it. Journaling or dairying privately (to each their own) is incredibly important because it gives people to chance to reflect on one’s self. Writing gives people the creativity to come alive, and speak their truth; whether it’s on paper or in an online blog. Writing gives power to the people who express themselves through it. In a private journal: the business man can write that ugly email to his boss packed with anger and disgust. The waitress at Olive Garden can complain about the table of 6 who left a lousy tip. In a private journal, I can express my thoughts, and feelings without having to worry about someone judging if I wrote barley, but meant barely. I do not have to worry about a filter, opinion, or a red squiggly underline; I simply pick up a pen, and get lost in my passion.

Image Works Cited: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barley (ha)